As We Write A New Farm Bill, Will Kooks Rule?

One of the publications I read fairly regularly is the weekly Memphis Flyer, a local tabloid.

The Flyer is free and available at a number of locations — including The Flying Saucer, my favorite watering hole. The Saucer is the most Cheers-like tavern in Memphis. The very visible exception being that the young “Beer Goddesses” are dressed as short-skirted Catholic school girls and are un-Carla-Tortelli-like — even despite the fact that Carla was Catholic — in every conceivable way.

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My routine is to grab a Flyer on the way in and read it while enjoying the finer pleasures of The Saucer.

Understand first that the Flyer is extremely liberal. That said, the writers and columnists are far from liberal kooks. They are just liberals. Wrong, but liberals nonetheless, who believe passionately in their causes. And they are some of the best writers you will ever come across. Look at them as liberal Lewis Grizzards. I would even go so far as to say I’d probably enjoy sharing with them the amenities of The Saucer. Think Mary Matlin and James Carville.

In 2004 — which would be the year of the most recent numbers — a study showed that 26% of Memphians are overweight or obese. The Flyer picks up on a New York Times story suggesting the overweight epidemic in the U.S. (and Memphis) is caused by …

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(The answer in a moment. When I began to read the story, I obsessively assumed global warming would ultimately be the presumed culprit. In that same issue, The Flyer quotes a liberal kook — yes, kook this time — as saying daylight savings time contributes to global warming. The reasoning being that daylight savings time adds an additional hour of total sunlight each day, thus one more hour for days to build up heat. See why I used “kook?”)

… the 2002 Farm Bill. Why I didn’t pick up on something so patently obvious five years ago just means I am a dumb conservative. Here’s what I missed that is undeniable (sarcasm intended): Junk food is made from subsidized crops, making junk food ingredients less expensive. So that means a Hershey Bar is cheaper than a head of lettuce.

(An Arkansas farmer countered that this was like blaming General Motors for car wrecks. Sometimes it’s best not to waste logic.)

Seriously, this is what we are up against as we write a new Farm Bill. The antagonists are kookish. Absurd. Laughable. And to many, many Americans, believable. Sadly.

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